11/19/2023 0 Comments Trojan horse sketchFingers crossed that Horseniax makes the poem, too. He’s half man, half big wooden horse, and is the protector of big-horse drivers. I also pitched Homer on a new demigod I came up with called Horseniax. He said he’s gonna include me in his poem! This is what I’ve been saying-when people talk about the war, they’ll always remember Alexandros the Big Horse Driver who dragged the Trojan Horse home all by himself. I met the poet Homer! Nice guy but really intense. I’d never seen a centaur eat a bag of raw oats before-it’s very upsetting. I stopped a passing centaur to help dislodge it and gave him some oats as a thank-you. Good news: I’m nearly halfway home! Bad news: Horse got wedged between two big trees. As I was leaving, the grease merchant said, “Safe travels dragging your giant horse.” And I did that thing where I said, “You, too,” as if he were also dragging a giant horse. The Horse’s wheels were really creaking so I stopped to get some grease. I guess these sorts of depictions are called “horsies.” And of course, once the artist finished, the whole thing immediately turned into an orgy, which not only did they not invite me to, but they also kicked me out of my own Horse until they finished! Some drunk soldiers hired an artist to draw them standing next to the Horse. I’ve been leaving a note on it that says “Do Not Touch: Full of Soldiers!!!” It’s kept most people away, but it seems to attract teens and demigods. The Horse doesn’t fit indoors, and I don’t have enough rope to tie it to anything. The other big downside to the Horse’s being light is that it’s easy to steal. It gets caught in trees and stuck in mud, and I have to chase it when it gets going too fast down hills. I keep losing control of it, and it rolls all over the place. The Horse is a breeze to move-it’s very light without soldiers inside of it-but it’s unwieldy. He wasn’t even using any divine fixing powers-he was actually sort of struggling with it. And I only saw a god once, when Hephaestus was trying to fix a shield. I spent most of it blindly shooting arrows over a wall and moving dead bodies around. ![]() On the road! This is the first part of the Trojan War that hasn’t been awful for me. I wish I were sailing home with the rest of the guys, but as Eurydamas reminded me, now when the poets sing of this great victory they’ll surely mention me-Alexandros the Big Horse Driver! Big news: the generals asked me to take the Horse back to Greece! I assumed that we would leave it in Troy-it got pretty dirty-but I guess the higher-ups want to hang on to it.
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